It’s a common misconception that, if you grow a long beard, food will always get stuck in it. In fact, one of the most common questions we get from people on their beard-growing journeys is, “How do I make sure I don’t get food in my beard?” In reality, there’s no magic answer; it all comes down to knowing how to maintain a beard.
It is no secret that having a perfect beard can require a lot of upkeep, so growing a beard surely isn’t for the faint of heart. After all, your beard is like your car. Sure, lots of guys may have a beard, but all beards are far from equal. Some men have beards that are like a Prius; they are small and not going to impress anyone besides the hippies at the farmers market. But men like you? Your beard is like a Corvette. It’s eye-catching, it's sought after, and most importantly, not just anyone can buy one. And just like you don’t want to spill food or drinks in your Corvette, you also do not want to get food in your beard. Luckily, here at Wild Willies, we have an answer for that and can teach you how to keep your beard clean.
It is a common myth that anyone with a large, majestic beard, suffers from the perils of getting your meals stuck in your beard hairs, but this simply is not true. For starters, no two beards are the same — and neither are the meals that are eaten by the men who own those beards. There are many ways to eat your entire meal without getting a drop of it in your beard. It doesn’t matter if you’re eating a sloppy Joe as you ride through a rickshaw in a big city. If you’re asking, “Why do I keep getting food in my beard?”, the answer is probably you.
To demonstrate this more vividly, let’s think of a meal. Imagine you are eating a hearty steak — medium rare of course — with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy. The steak is dripping in steak sauce and looks delicious, but you happen to be on a date with a beautiful person and you don’t want to risk making any sort of mess. The first tip about how to keep your beard clean is to ensure that you move any hair from your beard or mustache away from your lips before you begin. This seems like an intuitive step, but with a piping hot steak distracting you, it is quite possible to forget. Next thing you know? You’ve got food stuck in your beard. Simply take your thumb and index finger and clear the area around your mouth, being sure to sweep the stray hairs away. Having a direct path for your fork to take from the plate to your mouth is important.
Next, it is vital that you take smaller size portions of your fork. Although you may want to dive right into your meal by taking off huge chunks to chomp on, it is best to take small pieces that fit neatly on your fork. This way, you are ensuring that none of your food can have lille bits that catch your beard on the way to your mouth, all because the portions on your fork are tightly controlled. The mashed potatoes look delicious, but they are also a bit messy. When you are finally ready to take a bite out of those, take your fork — or spoon if you prefer — and scoop lightly. Then give it a moment. Wait. Wait. Okay, go. You want to let all the excess bits of potato and gravy drip off before you bring the food up over your beard. It’s just like that old story of the turtle and the hare: “Slow and steady wins the race.” Once your forkful of mashed potatoes is in your mouth, close your lips tightly as you pull the fork out in order to make sure that every bit gets into your stomach and none lands on your beard. Your date will be impressed by how well mannered you are at the table as well as in awe of your beard, which remains glistening and crumb free for the entirety of the meal.
Lastly, you have to drink something. All that delicious food has you parched, after all. You order your drink of choice, whether it's an IPA, a soda, or just a glass of water. No matter what it is, you don’t want it in your beard. One of the trickiest things for a man with a big, beautiful beard to learn is this right here; you have to drink with the bottom of your mouth. Yep, or else you’ll be thinking, Crap! I got food in my beard again. You want your bottom lip on the cup, with the drink flowing in like a river. This allows for your top lip to stay much drier than it would if you had pressed both lips on the cup. You have also got to make sure to drink it slow. If you go too fast, some may end up dripping onto the sides of your mouth or into your beard and this will leave you looking messy. Now finish your drink and smile because you’re feeling full, satiated, clean, and looking as handsome as ever!
Many men may make a mistake by skipping these steps and throw all their knowledge of how to maintain a beard out of the window. Rest assured that keeping your beard clean during a meal is not the gargantuan task that some set out to make it seem. Remember: your beard is like a Corvette. You’ve got to be careful with it. The only difference is you drive your Corvette fast and loose, but when it comes to beards, it’s always got to be slow and steady.